God is a refuge

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

I'm rereading through my edits and listening to my babies "try" to wind down. One is stubbornly refusing to go to bed, and the other is trying to "read" a bedtime story to her pre-teen cousin.

Today is June first and I wrote these words back in Sept. 2016. It's hard to believe that it's been nine months since I wrote these. Nine months since I left work and became a full time mom. These nine months have been hard, and scary, and stressful, and fun, and I have learned so much about me, my faith, my God's faithfulness........ I still remind myself that this isn't just my season; it's also my babies, and I should cherish in that while I still can.

My Postpartum thunderstorm 
*was posted on this site on 9/19/2016*

I needed help.

The truth is that this particular season has hit me the hardest. The tears haven't stopped. The anxiety continues to drown me and................ I'm not sure I want to come up for air.

I'm told that if I just write it out, I'll purge this out of my system.

It's not that simple. 
It's NEVER that simple.

I'm not ready to write this chapter......for now, be content that I am trying. I am trying my best to put one foot in front of the other. I'm trying my best to show up for my children.

If you're just starting out on this motherhood journey, know that you are not alone. Motherhood can be such an isolating thing. We take care of our children, our husband, our home and have very little time to take care of ourselves......... its okay to hide in the bathroom a little longer than necessary. It's okay to ask for a babysitter to come over while you take a nap or zone out at Starbucks.

It's okay to ask for help. 

The point is....reach out. Reach out to friends, families; ask for prayers, for hugs....for stress eaters like me...ask for chocolate cake!

I know God has carried me through my both of my children's NICU seasons and I know He'll shelter me through my inner storm.

So this is me. Away from my Instagram worthy pictures, uplifting Facebook posts......this is a mom who is knee deep in her postpartum thunderstorm. I am choosing to open up because I know I'm not alone. I know the numbers of women affected. I know I'm not going to hurt me or my children. Its more than those dark thoughts. It's more than just constant sadness, constant need to run away, constant fear and endless guilt. I. AM. MORE.

As a child of God, I am more than this season. I am my truths. I know that by opening up and riding out this storm with Jesus....I will show YOU that THAT is FAITH. 

That His Glory in ACTION.

So reach out, moms. We're all out here knee deep in our beautiful mess wondering and hoping we are not alone.


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