Life after the Storm

It's hard to believe that I had a baby Thursday. My son, despite the early arrival, is doing amazing! He's had his first bath, we've already done kangaroo care and tried to latch him on to the breast twice. I'm just super excited and amazed at his progress. And because I am a mommy, haven't taken into account any of my needs while I've been here. My blood pressure has decreased since yesterday. But this morning, it started to creep up. I was supposed to go home today. I was supposed to be home right now, wondering about how my son was doing and how Ellie was being taken care of at grandma's house. I was not supposed to spend another couple of nights here, on the same uncomfortable hospital bed and getting blood pressure readings every few hours. I was supposed to be out of the woods with preeclampsia, not swimming in it. I'm trying as hard as I can to calm my anxious self but its not easy - especially when I'm in a hospital room.  Tomorrow 

I woke up this morning due to the storm outside. A tornado warning sounded and then touched down not too far from where we live. Another storm in an already storm savaged city. Our lights flickered on and off before finally shrouding us in complete darkness. I watched the lightning making shadows against the windows. I almost jumped at the boom of thunder sounding so close to us. Beside me, my lovely daughter and husband slept through the thunderstorm. I tried to go back to sleep but had a pounding headache. Now I'm not so sure what woke me. The headache or the storm. But I managed to get myself up and decided to check my blood pressure. It read 152/102! I got dressed for work and tried to ignore my headache and listened to Christian music to calm my nerves. By 7:30 am, I had a nagging feeling that I needed to tell someone and sent an email (!) to my OB about what was happening and ended the note with a promise that I'll call when the clinic opens. By 8:30, I had a nurse on

Well here we are.  This is the week that I've waited for with anticipation.  My "trigger" week. I imagine myself akin to a ticking time bomb; just waiting for my heart explode into little pieces. Is this the week that I'm going to suddenly start showing preeclamptic symptoms? The bags are packed and ready to go for the nightmare that I just know will come. I've mentally prepared myself for being admitted again, for the doctor to mention bedrest and to meeting my baby this week. ​I am NOT envisioning a longer pregnancy simply because I'm afraid of having that hope crushed. I remember feeling the helplessness and losing my faith in those first few moments. I remember seeing her tiny, wrinkly face and willed myself not to breakdown as she being wheeled away. Mind you, I regained my hope and faith later and used them as a pulley to get me up and going throughout the day. Faith is a catalyst that moves our day.  James 1:6  But when you ask, you must beli