Life after the Storm

my first prenatal appointment is next friday. in the meantime, i'm still pretending i'm not pregos....never mind that i have to get up a few times in the middle of the night to pee, that my 1st love of my life (coffee) is making me sick and my favorite sleeping position - on my tummy - is becoming my enemy and hurting my boobs. my equally selfish husband and i will sometimes sit in silence about the idea that our world that we believed revolve around ourselves is going to revolve around a little brat. i still look at babies the same. i don't want to hold them and the very thought of changing diapers makes me cringe. so, Universe - one question: when does the 'motherhood' bug kick in? during the first kick? the first time i see it's eyes open? the moment i no longer refer to 'it' and say 'baby?' i'm trying to take good care of myself in the meantime, researching all i can, but i'm starting to doubt google when i read about all th

These past couple of weeks, I haven't been feeling like myself. The hubs and I have been joking about pregnancy and when the day I was supposed to have my period came and went....the joking stopped. What are we going to do? How are we going to make it? Granted, we are older than most first time mothers. These days at the clinic, I see moms with 4 or on their 5th child and they're years younger than I am! The worldview and opinons and goals between them and I are more than miles wide. Sometimes, I feel like I do need to experience parenthood in order to make our counseling sessions better. I took two pregnancy tests yesterday. The first one apparently was "broken" and the second one, well....let's just say that I didn't have that much pee left in me and 5 seconds is pretty long hovered over a toilet all the while trying to pee into a stick. Sorry for that awful picture. 2nd test was a dud too. This afternoon, the hubs surprised me with another set o