Life after the Storm

i don't think i'll look at a mini-gummy bear the same way! here's my first ultrasound pic....at 9 weeks, the 'kid' apparently was moving his/her hands and feet. dancing to the beat of its own drums already. here's a pic, and to blur out some of my info, i added that wonderful little 'i heart u' up top. i still don't know what i feel or how to wrap my mind around being a P-A-R-E-N-T.

apparently i'm going to have many 'firsts' - first (hehe) for eight months throughout the rest of this pregnancy and second, well....for the rest of this kid's life. i've had so many experiences since starting this blog four years ago. lost friendships, gained momentum in my studies, figured out who i was and then lost what i thought i wanted to be. fell in love, got married. graduated. homeless, broke. success. prayers answered. i wanted to initially write my blog to figure out how i felt about religion and the missteps i know i'd have along the way. i wanted to feel like somewhere in this blogosphere were people who would help me get to where i'm supposed to be. i believe (and still do) that God uses everyone in all possible sense and different scenarios to better you, strengthen you and help lead the way to Truth. now i gotta figure all that out and sort it out before the end of april. and this blog will become a recording of this little mexican...

it's a wonderful 80-something degree outside. the wind picks up every now and then and i can sense the magical change of autumn in the air. i love this weather. this season. this time of the year. we'll have pumpkins decorated for halloween and turkey on our table before long. this is also the perfect time to run and kickstart my active lifestyle. i do not need to change anything, as far a caloric intakes go. in my 2nd trimester, i'm supposed to add 350 calories a day and in my 3rd, its 450 calories. i never bought that whole "eating for two," stuff. i am determined that for my weight range (and yes, i'm still in the obese category) to gain no more than 10 - 12 pounds. at last weigh in, i was at 170.4

my first prenatal appointment is next friday. in the meantime, i'm still pretending i'm not pregos....never mind that i have to get up a few times in the middle of the night to pee, that my 1st love of my life (coffee) is making me sick and my favorite sleeping position - on my tummy - is becoming my enemy and hurting my boobs. my equally selfish husband and i will sometimes sit in silence about the idea that our world that we believed revolve around ourselves is going to revolve around a little brat. i still look at babies the same. i don't want to hold them and the very thought of changing diapers makes me cringe. so, Universe - one question: when does the 'motherhood' bug kick in? during the first kick? the first time i see it's eyes open? the moment i no longer refer to 'it' and say 'baby?' i'm trying to take good care of myself in the meantime, researching all i can, but i'm starting to doubt google when i read about all th...

These past couple of weeks, I haven't been feeling like myself. The hubs and I have been joking about pregnancy and when the day I was supposed to have my period came and went....the joking stopped. What are we going to do? How are we going to make it? Granted, we are older than most first time mothers. These days at the clinic, I see moms with 4 or on their 5th child and they're years younger than I am! The worldview and opinons and goals between them and I are more than miles wide. Sometimes, I feel like I do need to experience parenthood in order to make our counseling sessions better. I took two pregnancy tests yesterday. The first one apparently was "broken" and the second one, well....let's just say that I didn't have that much pee left in me and 5 seconds is pretty long hovered over a toilet all the while trying to pee into a stick. Sorry for that awful picture. 2nd test was a dud too. This afternoon, the hubs surprised me with another set o...