Life after the Storm

A Happy Birthday to my precious! You still are mommy and daddy's whole world. You love to explore new things and new smells. You always smile and say hi or hola. Though, if they reply with an equal hello, you tend to frown and shy away! Silly girl, why say hello in the first place? You are learning your manners with please and thank you. Once in a while, you'll mumble a 'welcome.'  Daniel Tiger is still your favorite cartoon, but you'll sing along with Wyatt and his super readers. You clap along with Dora, too!  You love to snack and eat all day long. But you're always, always on the go! Singing and dancing is still your favorite hobby, but now you think its funny trying to climb mommy!! I am so blessed beyond measure. My heart swells each time you look and me and say 'mommy.'  Happy Happy Birthday to you!

The season's changing, as it always does from what was been arguably been the LONGEST WINTER EVER!! I drove into work yesterday like I normally do; like I've normally done for five years. Except this time, it would be the last drive to work. My season of change is here. I am going from a working mom to a working-albeit-unpaid stay at home mom. A part of me is excited that I can finally catch up on some bonding time that I think I missed while she was in the NICU and when she was finally home, I only had X amount of time before I headed back to work. Never mind the fact that I feel like I already have plenty of mommy and baby time. I think I may just need a break and one that's a lot longer than the usual vacation. I need to recharge my batteries and just spend time with her. I have enjoyed working for WIC and can tell you stories of some crazy clients, some whose life stories are hard to believe and then those whose everyday struggle is worth rooting success over. I hav...

I remember back in 2008 praying and praying that I found a job. ANY JOB. And after driving to Corpus, Garland and Killeen, someone took a chance on me and my inexperienced resume. Almost 5 years later and I can't believe all the opportunities, the travel, the people and the lessons and experiences that I have accumulated. Let me stress again that I LOVE my job. It's not just a job. I get to go to a clinic and meet some crazy ladies, hold some precious babies and work with the best people........after my boss and I chatted today, she went ahead and asked me to start composing my resignation letter. So formal and so scary! I have NEVER resigned before. I've tried to always find something positive and fun about a job and jobs and life always had a conflict. I left my sales position when my inbound team got disbanded and there where no longer offering inbound services. But, I went back after I graduated, figuring that no one else would hire me!! Even when I was younger, I t...

Baby, I can't believe how time is quickly passing us by! You've been home 18 days after spending 43 days in the NICU. I was so worried about how you and I were going to be.... would you know I was your mom? would you miss life inside the NICU? but right from the start, you were pretty cool with everything. You came home with a heart monitor...it downright sucks, but its been a few days since I heard it beeping signaling low heart rate or no breath. That means you're doing better which I'm so glad! You know me. I sing silly lullabies that I start to make up words to because half of them I don't remember. And you sit (well, lay) there staring at me, looking at my mouth...and when someone else has you in their arms, I've caught you a few times looking towards the sound of my voice. You love being held, little one. At first, I had this overwhelming need to make sure you weren't going to be spoiled and told everyone not to hold you all the time... but afte...

and one that i really am trying to have. the doctor came by today....while i know that she cannot give me a specific day and time of when baby will be released...it's still frustrating and i want to shake her and ask her to just give me an abritrary day that will please my heart. but i know she can't and here we are, just as lost as before. the baby's heart rate, respiration rate and oxygen saturation was practically perfect. what they call "spells" is when all three rates drop. five days without spells = discharge. and she was on day four..... so the countdown restarted yesterday, she had three consecutively. and then some today.....they think its reflux, but just to be sure, they're doing an ECHO on her tomorrow. i've never been one to be patient. i think i am and i want people to believe i am, but when no one's looking, i tap my fingers, my thoughts race and before i can stop myself, i do something i know i'll regret.... to get over th...

a friend of mine on her facebook has been doing 'best things about today' as her status update. while you've been in the nicu, i started to do some, partly as an update to friends and family that would like to know how you're doing and another part to genuinely give thanks about the daily milestones and blessings that come our way. yesterday, the chaplain came up to me and wanted to know who you were, how long you've been here and was surprised that i was driving daily to see you. while gas is something i complain about on a daily basis....yesterday, my favorite 'cheap' gas station went from $3.64 to $3.74 in less than 4 hours... i still could not imagine NOT having to see you. even when i couldn't hold you, i wanted to be there so you can hear my voice and know (i hope) that you were never truly alone from your family. so it hit home yesterday that i am truly blessed. i have the oppurtunity to do these daily drives and have the monetary and time to ...

Daddy got to hold you for the first time on 3/24/12. his reaction? that you were light as a feather. you are now 4 pounds, 2 ounces. growing practically everyday. you're also started to learn how to take to a bottle. the nurse was working on teaching you to suck, swallow, breath and repeat. you didn't finish all of your bottle, but you did manage to make most of it count. they're going to try another bottle feeding in the next few hours. you're temp was good enough to not be kept under the incubator. its now more like an "open" crib. you're doing so good, baby girl!