I dont think i've ever cried infront of strangers

-
Although, considering my circumstances..... And the hormones, can you really blame me? I'm at the hospital for what I hope is just an overnight stay.... And when I do get to leave here tomorrow, I'm hoping it's just the hubs and I!

My blood pressure spiked at the doctors and wouldn't come down - its fine now, but my left side hurts from the pressure....

4 vials of blood later, I've never been scared and I'm not really... but this is pretty close to terrified I've ever been. I hate crying in public, but it felt really good to just let it all out.

Here you go, Lord. Take my fear, take my not yet broken heart and let me hold on to Your strength. I pray that we make it to our goal of 35 weeks, but Lord should You want her earlier in my arms, I pray for courage. Take my fear away and turn it to determination. Take my tears and give me Your peace. Let us be healthy together ~

In Your will, I pray -

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Preeclampsia Awareness Month 2018

-
Image
Mother's Day 2016 I was told on Mother's Day two years ago, that the NICU was gearing up to discharge us. I spent a majority of that day doing Infant CPR and infant care and then doing a car seat challenge. There was no "celebration of mom" at our house, but a celebration of the IDEA that my family would be whole soon. On Feliz dia de las Madres (Mexican Mother's Day), I was holding onto my little man's hand on our way home. I didn't have breakfast in bed or have a slice of cake. I didn't have any time carved out for "me-time."  What I did have were little toes and fingers to kiss lovingly....for however long I wish. I didn't have wires I had to worry about or had to explain to my five year old why and what the alarms that sounded meant. What I did have was a big helper who knew where the diapers and wipes were kept; who kept kissing on baby brother and who wanted so badly for him to "get bigger so we can play barbies.
Read more

early symptoms and plausible deniability

-
my first prenatal appointment is next friday. in the meantime, i'm still pretending i'm not pregos....never mind that i have to get up a few times in the middle of the night to pee, that my 1st love of my life (coffee) is making me sick and my favorite sleeping position - on my tummy - is becoming my enemy and hurting my boobs. my equally selfish husband and i will sometimes sit in silence about the idea that our world that we believed revolve around ourselves is going to revolve around a little brat. i still look at babies the same. i don't want to hold them and the very thought of changing diapers makes me cringe. so, Universe - one question: when does the 'motherhood' bug kick in? during the first kick? the first time i see it's eyes open? the moment i no longer refer to 'it' and say 'baby?' i'm trying to take good care of myself in the meantime, researching all i can, but i'm starting to doubt google when i read about all th
Read more

Just Leila

-
Image
Hey there!  Thanks for stopping by! WHY I WRITE: Pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful and wondrous thing. If you're like me, you have had the perfect "textbook" pregnancy up until the words, "you have Preeclampsia," were uttered. Suddenly, you're not so sure what's going on with your body, with your pregnancy, and to some extent, with your life.  I've been there.  I've researched more than I care to admit about Preeclampsia, "life after preeclampsia," subsequent pregnancies, etc.  I thought I was done with babies when I still have to pick up broken pieces of my heart and this idealization of what motherhood is supposed to look like when my girl was born.  I endured. I AM enduring. There's really nothing you can do except putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best. My journey with Preeclampsia began in 2012. Our story begins here: Do two positives make a baby? My First prenatal appo
Read more