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try at life

Life after Preeclampsia and postpartum depression is both taking it one day at a time, while simultaneously trying your darndest to decrease the future odds that are stacked against you. I try to live in this present; in this moment and breathe out the negative thoughts that pile up. I try to quiet my mind about the inheritance I passed on to my daughter and to my son's future wife. I try to bargain and rationalize that genes have a 50-50% chance of being passed on but at the same time, this small still voice angrily tells me that my placenta, my womb, their home for a short time was already their death sentence.

And I let that voice get louder and louder until I hide from the screaming.

This is my daily, my constant tug and pull that interrupts my routine. I busy myself with chores, with mindless puzzle games, with books and articles. Anything to not let my mind rest.

Mornings when the little is napping and the chores have been crossed off are usually my enemy. I turn on the new…

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