Hurricane Work is Coming - brace yourself

There is this looming dread that is slowly making its way here. I can hear it and if I focus on a certain focal point, I can almost see it. Like thunder roaring off in the distance, lighting that strikes the darkening clouds, a storm is headed my way.

........or that's how I feel with my job interview come Thursday.

Perhaps, I am making this slightly more dramatic than it should be. To be fair, it is my first job interview in six and a half years. I can at least tell my employer that for the past year and a half of my sabbatical, I not only took charge of my toddler but managed to write a book!

It's the letting go part that I have never quite grasped a handle on. I honestly don't know how people who have no family or support system in place manage to work with the knowledge that their child(ren) is being taken care of.

I found a daycare nearby, complete with a security system where parents can watch their child(ren) interact with other kiddos on their phone or a computer. This baby isn't cheap either! But isn't that the sacrifice we make to ensure that our paranoid little selves can breathe a little easier knowing that we can essentially spy on our kids and their caregivers anytime we want to?

I know this day was coming. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. If I could, I would stay home with my darling all through her life..... but that would be morally wrong for the both of us. She needs to learn from others and not just from two one paranoid parents, and be able see the world differently to learn a little empathy.

I am trying to take this one little idea at a time and every time I think about the first time she'll be on her own, making her own decision, bringing home homework or a friend, crying about who was mean and whining about not having the "right things," I get a panicked feeling that time has moved a lot faster than my brain can comprehend.

FYI: it's my old employer - if you ever decide to leave the workplace to care for your children, DO NOT BURN BRIDGES. Keep up with your resume, keep up with your old peers and especially with your old boss. Opportunity arose where a position became available about 20 odd miles from me and as much as I want to run back to my old clinic and my old staff.......I am thankful that I can see them a lot more and be in their lives again. I missed the fellowship during lunch and on the drive home. It's definitely not going to be the same again, but.... who knows?! I'm trying to stay positive and keep a grateful heart.

And maybe I can stop the whole "to go back or not to go back" argument that has been plaguing me since I left work. If its truly not going to work out the way I imagined or I become unhappy, I know the next time I leave, it will be the last of that chapter.

......but the storm is still brewing and I have time to prepare my shelter. So pray for me, friends.