Meet Gummy Bear 2.0

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Gummy Bear 2.0
June 2016
*SIDENOTE: So we, meaning my hubs and I, started a social experiment about NOT announcing this pregnancy on any social media BUT there are a lot of things I'd like off my chest and this blog has followed my first pregnancy, my preeclampsia and neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) experience that I thought I'd share this one too from the very beginning. Preeclampsia has truly affected my mental state in a way that I never thought it would, including how not excited I am about being pregnant again, how I am more anxious and how every few 'normal' looking symptoms of pregnancy, such as random stomach pressure pain, 1 pound weight gain, and even a random headache, I have dissected over and over again. I am giving myself "breathing breaks" where the first shot of panic and anxiousness appears, I take a few deep breaths and calm down. What I really need is to take a knee every so often and pray through the anxiousness.

Anyway...... and so it begins:

Week 10. Day 6. We went to my first ultrasound today and this entire pregnancy JUST GOT REAL.

Never mind the fact that, since before 2 different pregnancy tests would confirm my suspicions, every toilet I've encountered knew my name..... er at least, my face.

I've been so tired. I've been so nauseated. I've sprinted a few times down the hall at work to make t to the bathroom in time. I've subsisted on crackers and have had a milkshake every other day. 

I'm already so "over this" pregnancy. And I'm just at the beginning.

For now, I have let go of my hopes for a vaginal birth after cesarean (vbac) and am letting the OB/GYN choose and hope for the right outcome. We are aiming for 37 weeks but I am mentally prepared for a potential preeclampsia comeback. Should it choose to appear after the 20th week, and should another NICU stint happen again, I know God has led me through it before and I know He will lead me through it again.

I am incredibly thankful that the OB I chose, knows all about preeclampsia and deals with a lot of high risk pregnancies.

SOOoooooo, even though I am still in denial about my pants being a little too tight; my recent cracker addiction - as one lovely coworker said; and the fact that I really need to invest in a bigger size bra - I totally forgot about the one time I get boobs! My tired little self feels a little better now that I got to see gummy bear 2.0.

I'm 1/3 excited and 2/3s terrified.

Excited about the entire prospect of future playdates and future sibling bickering. Excited for Ellie to be a big sister!

I am TERRIFIED about the preeclampsia. I am TERRIFIED about everything that comes with it.

I am "trying" not to dwell too much on it and focus on the things that I know I can control. That being said, so begins my doctor's orders:
  1. I have been put on a low dose/baby aspirin a day regime. 
  2. Start checking my blood pressure daily.
  3. Meet this "bad boy." I have to do a 24 hour urine collection to see where my urine protein is at. Lovely, right? 

In the meantime, please pray for me and gummy bear 2.0.

For more information about Preeclampsia, visit www.preeclampsia.org
For my first experience about preeclampsia, here is my story in a nutshell.


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