Motherhood Monday #1:

When I was a kid, my parents would always take us on summer road trips across the country. More so by my mom's work schedule then by design, we would end up celebrating my birthday out at some fancy vacation spot. By the time I hit college, I "implemented" a celebratory week. Since I share a birthday in July with my mom (7/8), my niece So (7/11) and Sasha (7/15), and my father in law (7/22), it became a month long party!
This is trivial in the scheme of things - most especially after this weekend. Naturally and selfishly, I've always loved celebrating my day. As I started my parenting journey, my identity is tied to being Ellie and Ro's mama. My birthday, at least, I get to remember all the lovely goodies and memories of who I was before and who I am now, and who I get to celebrate with in the future.
My day.
My cake.
Presents just for me.

Today is the Monday after my birthday (7/21) and I had hoped to reflect on my 35th year, all the ups and downs, and what I hope to accomplish on my 36th year. 
But life, in the form of a sickly child and a four day hospital stay happened. I spent my birthday in the hospital, with a little girl who demanded her doctors and nurses that she go home so mommy wouldn't have to spend her birthday in the hospital. I spent the day easing her guilt that her mommy wouldn't get to have cake and ice cream because of her. I spent the night hunched over my smart phone, consulting Dr. Google about all the things my doctor said. FYI, if you're already in an emotional mess, DO NOT LOOK TO DR GOOGLE FOR ANSWERS. 
I got sang to in the morning by my daughter who wanted to be strong for just a little bit for her mama. I got cake and ate in the waiting room, surrounded by my parents, two of my nieces, and my little family.
I couldn't throw a (pity) party for myself even though I wanted to.
I couldn't will my daughter to be better so we can go home and have a proper celebration.
But in this "mess" and right there in the hospital, I wanted to give God a shout out. Thank YOU, God, for giving me another year with my babies. I was surrounded by love, laughter and well wishes. Instead of presents, I was showered with prayers for Ellie's speedy recovery.
In a word, blessed.

My only hope for this coming year is to have neither child visit the hospital. My only wish is for good health in my children, myself and my husband.


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