Hope in the midst of darkness


I was originally going to start this blog at the beginning of the year. I had an outline, planned out dates, and jotted down inscriptions with little voice of motherhood wisdom and our faith sprinkled throughout....
Instead, I can't sleep because our daughter is sick and found myself needing to speak out into the void instead of googling symptoms and trying not to break down and cry!
This blog is about finding hope in the midst of darkness.
I thought our journey of hospital stays would end when our premature babies left the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Instead, I confided in a friend that our local childrens' hospital has become a second home. It's not as daunting and scary anymore. It's become an overwhelming epiphany of "same old, same old."
I am navigating the world as a parent to a child with an autoimmune disorder. My daughter has autoimmune hemolytic anemia. You can read about it here.
I'm used to having labels and badges handed to me - mother of premature babies, preeclampsia survivor, mental health advocate, author - so this identity isn't entirely new. What is a puzzle is how to help our daughter navigate her way through this disorder. What scares me more than anything else is how well she's handling it. How ready she is to find Heaven, and how she can't wait to hold Jesus's hand.
We've had plenty of conversations about faith, my daughter and I. Oh to have faith like a child's! I've decided mine feels like breadcrumbs along my journey. I'll be so focused on a destination (college/marriage/career) and every so often, I'll happen upon a breadcrumb. It could be one full of lessons, a trail, or joyous crumb or one that'll make me fall on my knees and crawl along to the next one, and then the next one.
Faith doesn't follow a linear path. It's not a singular event but rather this fluid motion propelling us from one instance to the next. A wave.
So I'll be writing about what our faith in the thick of this looks like in this season of holding onto my baby girl and praying unceasingly to the Lord.
Thanks for following along and will update as we go.


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