31 weeks today
Well here we are. This is the week that I've waited for with anticipation. My "trigger" week. I imagine myself akin to a ticking time bomb; just waiting for my heart explode into little pieces.
Is this the week that I'm going to suddenly start showing preeclamptic symptoms?
The bags are packed and ready to go for the nightmare that I just know will come. I've mentally prepared myself for being admitted again, for the doctor to mention bedrest and to meeting my baby this week.
I am NOT envisioning a longer pregnancy simply because I'm afraid of having that hope crushed. I remember feeling the helplessness and losing my faith in those first few moments. I remember seeing her tiny, wrinkly face and willed myself not to breakdown as she being wheeled away.
Mind you, I regained my hope and faith later and used them as a pulley to get me up and going throughout the day.
Faith is a catalyst that moves our day.
James 1:6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
This is me right now. I WANT and HOPE and PRAY that I'll make it past this week without having a preemie. But there is this sliver of doubt that manifests itself and attaches itself to my wants, hopes and faith. So the saying, "let's hope for the best but expect the worse," is REALLY the opposite of faith.
I pray that more than anything that I can "just be" and let the days come and go. I know and have FAITH in the fact that whatever God's plan for me and this baby - my faith will be strengthened because it happened before. I know and have FAITH that I will be coming home with a healthy baby.
Why should I lose faith now? My blood pressure has been "uneventful." Last night, it was 117/80. My doctor doesn't want me on bedrest but rather moving around as much as possible. My wedding and engagement ring still fit me. My weight hasn't suddenly ballooned up...... I feel great.
It's my fear, more than anything, that just keeps me from enjoying another uneventful week.
Is this the week that I'm going to suddenly start showing preeclamptic symptoms?
The bags are packed and ready to go for the nightmare that I just know will come. I've mentally prepared myself for being admitted again, for the doctor to mention bedrest and to meeting my baby this week.
I am NOT envisioning a longer pregnancy simply because I'm afraid of having that hope crushed. I remember feeling the helplessness and losing my faith in those first few moments. I remember seeing her tiny, wrinkly face and willed myself not to breakdown as she being wheeled away.
Mind you, I regained my hope and faith later and used them as a pulley to get me up and going throughout the day.
Faith is a catalyst that moves our day.
James 1:6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
This is me right now. I WANT and HOPE and PRAY that I'll make it past this week without having a preemie. But there is this sliver of doubt that manifests itself and attaches itself to my wants, hopes and faith. So the saying, "let's hope for the best but expect the worse," is REALLY the opposite of faith.
I pray that more than anything that I can "just be" and let the days come and go. I know and have FAITH in the fact that whatever God's plan for me and this baby - my faith will be strengthened because it happened before. I know and have FAITH that I will be coming home with a healthy baby.
Why should I lose faith now? My blood pressure has been "uneventful." Last night, it was 117/80. My doctor doesn't want me on bedrest but rather moving around as much as possible. My wedding and engagement ring still fit me. My weight hasn't suddenly ballooned up...... I feel great.
It's my fear, more than anything, that just keeps me from enjoying another uneventful week.
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